I woke up one morning to find that my beautiful, mountain-man beard had grown an exceptional new trait – a tobacco-chewin, moonshine-drinkin, redneck personality, complete with a southern-drawl.
When my beard spoke (because what’s a magical beard without the ability to speak), he said coke to refer to all sodas and/or pops, which truly annoyed me. My beard, who called himself Jim Bob Jesus, said to me, “I wanna drawl a pic-chuh.” Such bastardization and mispronunciation of the English language is where I draw the line – draw with no L at the end!!!
And so I, with all of my might as the narrator of this story, mustered up the courage to shave off my ignorant sounding magical beard. “AHHHHHHHH!!!!” the magical beard screamed as I pulled my razor slowly over him. “AHH please no!!” But, alas, it was too late - the beard was silenced. Peace and quiet.
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